- Feb 3, 2024
- LitBits
- 0
New blog post by Rachel McCarron – discussions in this thread, please
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I don’t want to bring you down, but Christmas isn’t always fun for me. It’s a difficult time for a lot of people. The pressure is on to have a good time, but it’s not easy. The ideal of family around the table in a beautifully decorated, warm home, surrounded by love and gifts is a fantasy I gave up on long ago.
Domestic abuse spikes over Christmas as does alcohol-related violence and misadventure. The lonely are made to feel lonelier. Patients are desperate to be discharged from hospital in time for Christmas whether they are medically fit or not. If they are lucky, they won’t be readmitted on Boxing Day. The homeless may benefit from increased generosity of charitable giving, but it’s temporary. It’s actually January when suicides peak, but what does that say about the pressures of the preceding month?
It’s a time when many of us feel the absence of loved ones. My husband was two years old when his father died on Christmas Day. He grew up in the shadow of his mother’s grief which was heightened each Christmas as his grandparents went overboard to make things ‘normal’ when of course they could never be. My own father died in the run up to Christmas nine years ago.
For those who have lost friends or family in the past year, it will be their first Christmas without them. For some families, it’s the last Christmas with someone who will soon depart.
Why is December 25th a more painful date than, say, March 25th or August 25th? It makes no logical sense, but in our culture, it feels crucial.
We might feel we ought to be celebrating, but it really isn’t compulsory.
All this is not to say that I don’t find some joy in the season. I love the Christmas lights at the Botanical Gardens in Edinburgh, I love the piney fragrance of a fresh Christmas tree, I enjoy listening to my favourite Christmas music, and you can’t beat a cosy Christmas story on the page or screen. But I’ll give the ‘fun’ stuff a miss.
My mum has chemo scheduled a few days before Christmas this year. She’s unlikely to feel like eating a big Christmas Dinner. But that’s okay – I look forward to homemade soup and spending some time together. And my January-self will no doubt thank me for not over-indulging.
It’s just another day. But in so many ways it isn’t. So, forgive yourself for not being the life of the party if you don’t feel like it.
Take some time to remember the ones who have gone away or gone before.
And if you are lucky enough to have a big family gathering that doesn’t end in tears, make the very best of it.
Domestic abuse – Victim Support
Contact Us | Samaritans
Support and self-care for grief – Mind
Helpful links | Campaign to End Loneliness
Photograph: Candle in Lincoln Cathedral by Sean Breadin, used with permission
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Get the discussion going – post your thoughts & comments in the thread below…
For more posts by Rachel McCarron click here Just Another Day – Litopia
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I don’t want to bring you down, but Christmas isn’t always fun for me. It’s a difficult time for a lot of people. The pressure is on to have a good time, but it’s not easy. The ideal of family around the table in a beautifully decorated, warm home, surrounded by love and gifts is a fantasy I gave up on long ago.
Domestic abuse spikes over Christmas as does alcohol-related violence and misadventure. The lonely are made to feel lonelier. Patients are desperate to be discharged from hospital in time for Christmas whether they are medically fit or not. If they are lucky, they won’t be readmitted on Boxing Day. The homeless may benefit from increased generosity of charitable giving, but it’s temporary. It’s actually January when suicides peak, but what does that say about the pressures of the preceding month?
It’s a time when many of us feel the absence of loved ones. My husband was two years old when his father died on Christmas Day. He grew up in the shadow of his mother’s grief which was heightened each Christmas as his grandparents went overboard to make things ‘normal’ when of course they could never be. My own father died in the run up to Christmas nine years ago.
For those who have lost friends or family in the past year, it will be their first Christmas without them. For some families, it’s the last Christmas with someone who will soon depart.
Why is December 25th a more painful date than, say, March 25th or August 25th? It makes no logical sense, but in our culture, it feels crucial.
We might feel we ought to be celebrating, but it really isn’t compulsory.
- If you’re unwell, or caring for someone who is unwell, you may need to postpone or skip your festivities – and that’s okay.
- You might be working, and that’s no bad thing. Have a good shift and enjoy your days off when you get them.
- You might be volunteering, which has the potential to be a far better experience than trying to keep simmering family tension from overboiling.
- You might go to church and feel a sense of peace and spirituality.
- You might go for a walk and feel the same thing.
- You might spend the day alone and like it that way. It doesn’t necessarily follow that you’re lonely.
- Read a book – you’re never alone with a good story.
- Spend the day writing – what could possibly be better?
- You don’t have to switch the television on (although you can if you want to).
All this is not to say that I don’t find some joy in the season. I love the Christmas lights at the Botanical Gardens in Edinburgh, I love the piney fragrance of a fresh Christmas tree, I enjoy listening to my favourite Christmas music, and you can’t beat a cosy Christmas story on the page or screen. But I’ll give the ‘fun’ stuff a miss.
My mum has chemo scheduled a few days before Christmas this year. She’s unlikely to feel like eating a big Christmas Dinner. But that’s okay – I look forward to homemade soup and spending some time together. And my January-self will no doubt thank me for not over-indulging.
It’s just another day. But in so many ways it isn’t. So, forgive yourself for not being the life of the party if you don’t feel like it.
Take some time to remember the ones who have gone away or gone before.
And if you are lucky enough to have a big family gathering that doesn’t end in tears, make the very best of it.
Domestic abuse – Victim Support
Contact Us | Samaritans
Support and self-care for grief – Mind
Helpful links | Campaign to End Loneliness
Photograph: Candle in Lincoln Cathedral by Sean Breadin, used with permission
---
Get the discussion going – post your thoughts & comments in the thread below…
For more posts by Rachel McCarron click here Just Another Day – Litopia
